Random insanity
by Spacemonkette
Summary: Random insanity ensues when the Renown picks up a few passangers and is becalmed


Random Insanity  
  
I just wrote this as I was going along, so if it doesn't make sense, I apologize. Everyone is here. Horatio, Archie, Bush, Pellew etc etc. As well as a bunch of random people, not from Hornblower. Some you may recognize.  
  
I don't own any of these characters.   
  
I apologize to the people who do own them for what I am making their characters do.  
  
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Horatio Hornblower was the officer of the watch, not that there was much to watch, the Renown had been becalmed for 3 days and there was not a sail in sight. The ship was carrying Captain Sir Edward Pellew to Gibraltar along with a party of many other people. There was something odd about the guests but Horatio couldn't quite put his finger on it.  
  
Suddenly a man appeared on the deck, he was wearing a large hat with a ridiculously large feather on it. He was being chased by a man with an equally large hat but a even more ridiculously large feather in it.  
  
The second man let out a high pitched squeal,  
  
"D'aaaartaaangnaan!!!"  
  
"Excuse me!" shouted Hornblower, "No running on the deck please."  
  
The first man (who we assume is called D'aaaartaaangnaan) approached Hornblower.  
  
"You Sir!" He said, "Have impeached my honour. I demand a Duel!"  
  
Hornblower shook his head, "The last time that happened, I got into a lot of trouble. Besides Captain Pellew said I mustn't"  
  
D'aaaartaaangnaan laughed, "And you always do what your Captain tells you?"  
  
"Well, Yes. The last time I didn't, I also got into a lot of trouble"  
  
At that moment, Lt Kennedy, who had been listening, approached.  
  
"Ahem! Horatio, That hasn't happened yet."  
  
"I see."  
  
At that moment there was a blood-curdling scream. The every brave Horatio Hornblower jumped into Lt. Kennedy's arms.  
  
"What was that, Ah-chie?"  
  
They soon found out. Lt Bush ran up onto the deck, he looked very pale and he was panting. He pointed in the direction he had came from.  
  
"I-I-It's…"  
  
Archie, who at this point had dumped Horatio unceremoniously on the deck (where he was sitting sucking his thumb), straightened his jacket.  
  
"What? French ship, rat, spider?"  
  
Bush shook his head.   
  
"Worse."  
  
"Worse?"  
  
"A TURNIP!!"  
  
At this, even the brave and intrepid Archie Kennedy paled.  
  
"Oh, dear Lord, We'll have to fetch in an expert. Lt Bush, go tell Captain Pellew he is required on deck"  
  
When he got no reply he turned around. Bush had joined Hornblower on the deck and was busy sucking his thumb (Hornblower's thumb, not his own)  
  
Archie stalked off muttering under his breath, "Do I have to do everything myself?"  
  
Knocking on Pellew's door he told the Captain the situation and returned on deck.  
  
A few minutes later, Pellew appeared on deck. He was wearing what appeared to be a green nightshirt and a green bandana on his head. Over his mouth there was a white paper mask of some description. He approached Hornblower, who by now had got up off of the deck (Though Bush was still there). Pellew put his hand on Horatio's head and affectionately rubbed his hair.  
  
"Horry, Horry, Horry"  
  
"Sir?"   
  
Pellew removed his hand from Horatio's hair and with a look of disgust wiped it on his green nightshirt.  
  
"Where is this turnip?"   
  
At this all of the crew paled.   
  
"Sir! What d'you says it's name for?"  
  
"Sorry, forgot. Where is this 'thing which must not be named'?"  
  
At this Bush, who at this point was lying on the floor, tugged on the Captain's nightgown 'thing'.   
  
"Get up off the floor"  
  
"I have a pretty good view from here, Sir."  
  
At this, Pellew went bright red and moved away from Bush (For Pellew was a true Scot's man.   
  
Archie spoke up.  
  
"Sir, I believe it is down below deck"  
  
The Captain moved below with Archie, Horatio and Bush at his heels. With one look at the Turnip the brave, intrepid and heroic Sir Edward Pellew fainted.  
  
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That's the first chapter done. Please review and I may write another. 


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